The following article was written while I was preparing my druidic wedding ceremony during the summer of 2014. I noticed that our decision to get married surprised some people and I could see a lot of people were confused about the concept of marriage and questioned its relevance in our day and age. Here are some of the questions I frequently received that I decided to address: 1) Is marriage still relevant/does marriage still have a value today? 2) Why organise a druidic marriage? 3) What is the relevance of a relationship in a spiritual way of life?
Here’s my experience. I’m soon to be married in a druidic wedding ceremony with the man I love.
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, I could visualise myself being married with children at the age of 23, because this was the life society told me I was most likely to live. Since then, I grew up, I evolved and society changed along with me and many options were added to the concept of a traditional marriage along the way: I could stay single (and even have a baby as a single mum), I could have multiple lovers, I could engage in a relationship with a man OR a woman, I could get married 4 times…. I came to the conclusion that as an independent woman I didn’t need another person to be happy and I would stay single.
Something obviously changed my perception, because I’m getting married. I’m still very happy alone and I don’t need another person to feel fulfilled, but I realise that my relationship offers me something I wouldn’t be able to find on my own.
WHY A DRUIDIC MARRIAGE INSTEAD OF A RELIGIOUS MARRIAGE?
The answer is very simple to me: show me a religion that is founded on humane values, that is founded on equality between human beings no matter which skin colour, gender, sexual orientation, origin or social standing they have. Show me a religion that has caused no suffering, no abuse, no inequality. A marriage is an energetic and spiritual connection of the energies of two human beings and I wouldn’t want to associate myself to energies that don’t suit me or that are contradictory to my own energy. I don’t want to place the foundations of my future marriage on hostile territory.
The druidic tradition (not religion) provides me with all the elements that are important to me: the presence of nature, respect of the planet, the spiritual consciousness I can relate to and values of equality and sharing that are dear to my heart. I like the idea of taking the simplicity and harmony of the natural world as a witness to our sacred union, rather than any representative of an institution that was created by man and that reflects the chaos of the dualistic world we created.
IS THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE COMPATIBLE WITH A SPIRITUAL WORLD VIEW?
Doesn’t spirituality teach us to let go, to be detached and not to claim ownership of anything? Where do we then find a justification for marriage?
I completely agree with the fact that unity is to be found in yourself. By discovering our inner strengths and capacities and by being a conscious soul in an incarnated body we represent every other element of existence. We are everything: every other person, every molecule, every star, every component of the universe. We are the component and the whole. We are never alone so why seal a relationship with a wedding and why “bind” yourself to another person?
First of all, I don’t see marriage as a way to get “attached” to the other person. On the contrary, for a marriage (or any relationship) to function properly, it’s essential to purify any connection that is based on dependence that exists between you and your partner.
For me marriage is a question of alchemy. There are two independent entities that decide to unite to create new things together. It’s not a question of assembling two halves, but it’s an engagement of two whole individuals to create a space to celebrate and experience their union. Their couple becomes a third entity, becomes the place where the 2 independent individuals can meet and create sparks as a result of the combination of their mutual energies. The wedding ceremony is a way to ask the assistance and support of the universe to create this space, the bridge between two people.
During the rest of their lives the 2 people continue to work on their own, personal evolution, they continue to grow and contribute to the relationship. Their union provides the platform they need to be able to experiment the creative process of their union. This platform can only receive them when the two people are on the exact same level in terms of energy, when they are entirely equal and when they are coming from a place of unconditional love (the only concrete that can be used to build a flourishing relationship). Balance is essential: try installing a platform on two poles of different sizes, it will not be able to contain many things..
With the act of marriage we create a triangle where the energy can circulate freely: man-woman-couple. We literally add a dimension: we evolve from a linear model to a geometric figure. The success of the couple depends on the independent evolution of each of the 3 points. Every point nourishes the other 2 points and draws its energy in return from the 2 other points. It’s in the best interest of every component that each of the points (the man, the woman and the couple) is healthy, happy and satisfied.
UNITY INSIDE AND OUTSIDE
My spiritual quest motivates me to pursue unity within myself: unity between my body and my soul, unity between light and matter and I feel that my relationship with my partner allows me to extend this process to the outside as well. My partner confronts me with a mirror, I see him in his totality, with his masculine and feminine energy and this allows me to recognise the same energies within myself and better understand the nature of our dualistic reality. The relationship becomes a pursuit of unity between 2 people, unity towards the exterior that is rooted in interior unity. It’s a pursuit of unity in matter, of union and exchange based on equality with the outside world. The couple becomes the crucible in which each person can initiate their process of transformation.
This is a missing link in today’s world: the extension of our inner unity, harmony and peace to the outer world. We still haven’t managed to develop connections based on equality with the people that share this planet with us. We are, as a fact, not alone on this earth and this is part of the experience we are meant to live during this lifetime. The connections we maintain are often based on inequality and they create conflict and suffering. This energy is not natural and it needs to be repaired in the world.
To recognise and welcome the other as our equal, as a mirror of ourselves, to allow a mutual evolution to take place towards an existence that vibrates on a higher level, towards a purer way of life. This recognition is the restoration of a reality created by the illusion of division into a feminine and masculine pole, by unifying them into one whole. It’s the transformation of what separates us into what unites us.
Photo: Heather Landiss