Our daily lives are made up out of choices, each day we make plenty of “small” decisions that shape our reality. We decide what we eat which is significant in how we treat our bodies and how we treat animals, where we shop which decides how we treat our fellow earthlings and our natural environment, how we think which determines our contribution to human consciousness, etc. By slowly adapting our choices, we can change our reality.
And then, every once in a while, our life presents us with a big decision, a big opportunity that has the potential to change our lives for ever. These one-off opportunities are callings of our soul to move closer to our core, closer to who we really are.
A calling of the soul manifests as a very strong desire to do something, a powerful impulse to move in a certain direction and very often this impulse emerges suddenly or resurfaces in an unexpected manner. All of a sudden life as you knew it no longer makes any sense and you can’t think about anything else. New possibilities are opening up to you and all the parameters of your world are changing due to a powerful surge of your heart that is making you vibrate, sparkle, jubilate, that adds a glittering aspect to life as if a coat of magic had been sprinkled upon every part of your life. Colours become more vibrant, flavours more pronounced, your steps become lighter. It’s as if you fell in love with life itself, you feel like you could move mountains and the ease with which you let go of elements of your previous life that seemed vital a mere couple of days ago, astonishes you.
And yet, often these big surges of the heart go hand in hand with doubt and crises of faith. How come that sometimes your fears and your worries start to take over, even when you feel very strongly about something and when your whole being is calling you to make a change?
This is because all those emotions that make you vibrate so strongly, also destabilise you a little, they make you lose your centre. And this is when you start meeting your shadow side, for your shadow only becomes visible when you are no longer centred and when you are no longer exactly aligned with your own inner light.
Doubts start emerging because you are no longer used to hearing your heart’s guidance, because you are afraid of finding happiness and then losing it again. Fear of not succeeding might even convince you to refrain from trying. You doubt being capable of doing what your heart is so strongly asking you to do.
When doubts start appearing, you have already left the domain of the heart and you risk getting trapped by your mind. The heart never doubts, only the mind can create doubt: “This opportunity seems to good to be true.” “I long to do this or that but what will happen to me if I don’t succeed?” You start imagining every kind of worst-case scenario you can come up with and fear starts to set in and starts building a wall around your heart. You desperately try to reconnect to your heart and hear your inner voice once again, but all of a sudden there is silence. You feel lost in the dark. Everything that seemed so clear, so simple, all of a sudden is no longer that easy. You feel like the whole universe conspired to guide you in this direction and now that you are well on your way the road signs become vague or impossible to read and your inner voice grows silent.
You are experiencing a test of faith: do you have enough faith in yourself and in life to listen to your heart? If you only ever act when you have clear indications, your choice will become a strategy instead of an impulse from your heart, a calculated decision instead of intuition. If you are used to external guidance, to have other people advise you and confirm your choices, this crisis of faith is an important moment of initiation. Will you be able to dig deep and find the courage to move forward in spite of your fears?
How can you survive this moment of uncertainty where you navigate without a compass?
The first thing you need to know is that the silence you are experiencing is not some kind of punishment, it is a blessing. This time of profound silence is not here to scare you, but to allow all the emotions that have been stirred up inside to settle down.
These impulses from the heart can set off an avalanche of emotions: you feel joy, pleasure, hope and even ecstasy all at the same time and all of those emotions can throw you a bit off balance. If this is the case and you feel overwhelmed by the enormity of your emotions, know that it is no catastrophe to be a little shaken, that it is all right. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without identifying with them. Often the simple fact of knowing that this is just a momentary destabilisation will make everything go back in order.
This silent night you are experiencing is a gift that life is bestowing upon you to give you the time to centre, to shed your old skin, to break free from your cocoon and emerge brand new to head off into new adventures. This time of silence is here to allow you to catch your breath and marvel at the stars which represent the multitude of possibilities that come with your new presence, your new life, to allow you to reflect back upon the things you are leaving behind and fully understand at which point they no longer suit you, for you to give thanks for all of your past experiences and to mourn your old life and your old self that will be part of your history and your legacy from now on, but that will no longer be the dominant you or the active expression of “you”. This is life giving you the opportunity to re-enter your inner realm of peace, for it is only from this place of calm and serenity that you are able to hear your soul talking to you through your heart.
Moreover, having doubts does not in any way mean that you are on the wrong track, for even when we are on track doubts or fears can sometimes appear. If this happens, they are just an invitation to reconnect to your heart, to feel your path. This is a practice that will become easier with time, for the more you listen to your inner voice, the louder and stronger it will become.
What scares you most is that you are unable to see past your present existence, you are unable to predict or imagine what your life will look like if you make this conscious choice. Your vision is limited because you have been trapped in your bubble for too long. You are tempted to stay put in a situation that you know all the parameters of, even if it doesn’t work for you.
You will never know if you don’t dive in, you will never have any guarantees in advance and you will never be able to predict how your life will be affected. Your path will become more defined once you start moving, not before. If you wish to see more clearly, you need to put the wheel in motion first.
At this precise moment of your path, it is important not to hit the brakes or block the flow you are in. For this is exactly what you are experiencing, you got a taste of flow: everything becomes beautiful, simple, joyful, magical. This is what happens when we listen to our soul, when our choices are in accord with our true self and when we are aligned with our purpose.
You just experienced an expansion of your heart, your whole being is expanding and at this moment in time it is essential to keep the faith. Faith in yourself, in your heart and your soul that urge you to take this leap of faith, that ask you to make the move and transmute, become bigger, vaster. You are breaking through the fictitious glass ceiling of your limited world to enter a bigger world, a world with more possibilities. Know that your heart would never ask you to do something you are not capable of doing.
Don’t get discouraged. Let yourself be overwhelmed, stirred, submerged even by these earthquakes that are originating in your heart and rippling through your whole being and rejoice instead of being afraid, for all of this means that your soul decided to take the reins of your existence again. Maybe you needed an earthquake, an avalanche of emotions or a hurricane to go through your life in order for you to free yourself? These great impulses of the heart strike like lightning bolts, suddenly and violently they break through our illusions and spread their sparks and light fires of joy and hope throughout every aspect of our lives.